Doestradamus

Opinions you can count on, right or wrong.

Your friendly oracle who just wants to help.

ABOUT doestradamus

At Doestradamus, we believe that true prophecy goes without saying. As Confucius said: “The future is a fickle mistress. One day she love you long time, next day she no horny.”

Our philosophy is simple: you ask, we answer. Sometimes we’re right. Other times we’re off the mark. Sometimes we’re so wrong it makes you laugh. But that’s how we’re different. We don’t care. Maybe it’s your fault. Maybe you asked the wrong question. Our strength is answering, not accuracy. Who do you think we are, God or something?

OUR SERVICES

prophecy

Dying to know what year the world will end? When the Messiah will return? When the Thundercats movie is finally going to get made? Ha! Not gonna tell you for free. That’s what sets Doestradamus apart from the rest: we charge a lot for our opinions and answers. And we make no promises that any of it is correct. That’s on you.

advice

Should we get little Billy circumcised? Should I stop eating pork? Should I pull that guy from the car that’s sinking in the lake? We’ve literally heard it all. Doestradamus is known in certain parts of Nigeria as “King of Good Advice.” And yes, we think you ought to dig that hole to China.

directions

Whether you‘re an individual looking for the nearest dog park, or a family on their way to Claim Jumper, Doestradamus you covered. We provide fast, friendly directions to all the places you want and need to go. Need to find the closest DMV? Bail bondsman? Emergency room? We can find it for you. And give you directions on how to get there.

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